Damn I wish I would have done more Kegals

I have fucking bronchitis. I get it EVERY damn year- but I had thought I might have skipped this year. Nope. Throw in a new job teaching the snot nosed germ encrusted hope for the future and a week from hell- I guess I was prime for sickness.  Now as I am sure you know- bronchitis causes ridiculous coughing.  Add in the fact that I smoke (yeah, yeah- save the speeches- I know) and the coughing is keep me up all night, annoy the hell out of family and friends, and make me sprint for the bathroom so I don't pee my pants kind of coughing.  And I curse myself for not doing my Kegal exercises.

If you have had kids , hell, even if you haven't I am sure as a female you have heard the term "Kegal exercise" if you don't know what it is read up on it here.  OK- now that you know what they are you can keep up. Your pelvic floor needs no super special attention- no landscaping or anything, which is the good news,but apparently it is very very bad news is if you don't take care of it by doing your Kegels, You might very well find yourself peeing when you laugh, sneeze or in my case- cough like a plague victim.  The REALLY bad news?  Your uterus/bladder could LITERALLY fall out of your vag...a vaginal or uterine prolapse. This is serious and would require surgery to put stuff back. So avoiding that is a good idea.

Apparently I have been doing them somewhat wrong- I use my butt and belly muscles too much. So I did some research and have found something very interesting. Ever hear of  Ben Wa Balls? Yup- a sexual aid but also apparently a fantastic Kegal exerciser... who knew? These weighted balls, when inserted into your va-jay jay, will let you know if you are using the correct  muscles, otherwise as soon as you stand up the ball will fall right out. Explain THAT to the nosy kids/husband/neighbor!  After some time and practice rebuilding those muscles you can work up to being able to not only stand and hold the balls in, but walk around apparently. I have NOT tried this- I just researched....so if you choose to do this and you get all cocky and try to go to the PTA meeting or the kids soccer game and they fall out- DO NOT BLAME ME! The ben wa balls are apparently the gym for the pelvic floor muscles- think of them as the free weights. Just like at the gym- you don't want to drop them- everyone will stare. So do this in your locked bedroom, or bathroom would be my advice ( that I intend on following..maybe)

And apparently- they can't get lost in there either!! I could just see me explaining to the emergency room doctor how THAT happened... but because they are weighted the chance of them getting stuck is pretty remote. I am gonna wait to see if one of you does this and then relate the gory details- I am a serious chickenshit. 
Excuse me while I cough up this damn lung...oh shit! I have to pee!!!

Bike riding for dummies

Learning to ride a bike is one of the most common milestones in childhood, right?  From tricycle to pulling the training wheels off- it's a rite of passage all kids go through- my two oldest did- and with flying colors. Dad is the bike guy. I have left it up to him to teach them. He does a damn good job too (with the exception of sending my oldest on his first training wheel free ride. Down a hill. Into a bunch of bushes. )  Then along came Noah.  He never showed much interest in bike riding of any sort- from toddler bikes to tricycles- he just wasn't interested. 

Once we found out he had autism- I did some research into the subject and found out  that it is common in autism to have low muscle tone. The reason it occurs is that often, our children don’t do the typical day-to-day physical activities that we all take for granted: running, climbing, exploring, skipping, gathering, jumping, poking . . . that overall general busy-ness that we all expect in toddlerhood and beyond. The reason this doesn’t occur for our children is because that “natural drive” is hampered in some way, imitation skills are often impaired, and, therefore, motivation to do something that requires effort for no known benefit is just not there.  Even with Noah- who is a "sensory seeker" and likes to bump and crash into EVERYTHING- riding a bike was not something he wanted anything to do with.

Noah refused to ride even with on a bike with training wheels. He simply would not exert the effort. He said it made his legs tired (it most likely did) or he was scared of falling (understandable- all kids go through that).   I started looking into special bikes, modified for kids with special needs. And- not to get off on a rant- but how in the hell are families with special needs kids supposed to afford things like modified bikes that START at $1000?? Anyway- I decided to let it go for awhile. So from the age of 5 to 7 we didn't even really mention it and the bike sat in the garage- becoming a home for spiders and mocking me every time I saw it.
But every time I saw a kid Noah's age truckin down the street with his family on his training wheel-less bike I felt a pang of regret that Noah STILL couldn't ride- didn't want to ride and I moped about it and felt sorry for myself and then convinced myself we were working on much more important things. 
Then dad decided to pull the cobwebby bike out of it's sad little corner of the garage and get him going again. It was brutal. He cried- he refused- he put NO effort into it. Dad begged, bribed, yelled and bargained- nothing. I finally stepped in and told him to calm it down- you have to work at Noah's speed, at Noah's level to accomplish anything. He is not "normal" like the other kids- and the "normal" methods weren't going to work. Dad was irritated- understandable- his reasons for getting his boy to ride a bike are much different- his reasons for  lot of the things he wants his boy to do are much different than mine- but I understand. 
So after a couple more failed attempts- dad was ready to throw in the towel- the boy asked for a new bike...with new training wheels. The weather turned to crap (as it always does during spring in Michigan) and the bike was relegated to it's corner of the garage again.

So when the weather finally broke- the sun actually was shining and it was finally above 40 degrees- dad decided to try again. Noah cried, said he couldn't do it, he was scared and all of the usual stalling tactics. Then dad pulled out a Star Wars reference...compared Noah to Obi Wan and all- and it was on. And in the space of one afternoon- Noah was riding his bike- NO training wheels with little to no help from dad. It was amazing.  Even MORE amazing- he went back outside ON HIS OWN and attempted to do it all by himself!  Then- as if things weren't already awesome..my Tweenzilla (as I so lovingly call her!) went out and helped him too!! It was an awesome day all around- and  my heart was happy.

We’re not at the stage where he’s going off doing any more than “practice rides” at this time, but as time continues, I feel confident he will go venturing on his new mobile ability. I think this bike riding thing is going to inspire him to try new things, from new foods to new activities and give him a new confidence.  I know it has inspired me.

Star Wars has saved the day- in the immortal words of Yoda "There is no try. Only do"

Awareness..NOT a celebration

So if you read my last blog  you are now aware that April is Autism Awareness Month. You are also aware that I intend to use platforms such as my blog, my Facebook page and my big fat mouth to shout it from the rooftops. I want to make people aware of the epidemic that is Autism. I don't celebrate it. I don't know many who do. I celebrate my son's accomplishments. I celebrate his milestones. I celebrate his amazing little self- but I DO NOT celebrate the fact that he is 1 in 110 children ( 1 in 70 boys) that are diagnosed with this disorder.
I am not an advocate for a "cure" necessarily. I know many who say "curing" their Autism would be taking something away from them- making them less than what they were. These are adults I have spoken to that have lived with the disorder and are functioning in the world now. But when I talk to the mom who is still changing her 10 year old son's diapers or the dad is holding on to the hope that his daughter will one day make eye contact and say she loves him- I have to say would a "cure" be so bad?  Hell- I want a CAUSE or CAUSES  pinpointed for the huge upswing in Autism- then perhaps a cause will lead to a cure and so on and so forth.
But in the meantime- I will be an awareness junkie. I will read, research, talk, write, walk and jump for Autism Awareness, I will shove facts, figures and stories in your face - just in the hopes that you will pass on that knowledge to someone else.  This is how awareness is spread- from me to you, from you to your spouse or friend and from them to someone else. I don't expect you to become and expert- I am not an expert - but I know a hell of a lot- and you could learn a thing or two from me. 
This is not a month to celebrate. This is a month to learn, and to teach.  Parents of autistic children, and adults on the spectrum are a wealth of knowledge that only want the rest of the world to understand

Are you aware of awareness?

Next month is Autism Awareness Month. And as you all know- I have an autistic  child. So my blog and  my "mainstream" Facebook page will be all over it. I am aware of Autism every damn day- and I  post news articles, fundraising events, advocacy opportunities  and blogs concerning  Autism all of the time.  I share my son's life- his ups and downs and my joys and frustrations pretty much daily.  Just forewarning you all- that in April it will be a constant bombardment. My goal? To educate as many people as I possibly can about Autism.
 Like I said- it is Autism Awareness Day every single day at my house- as well as for anyone else dealing with it. Highlighting a month to be more aware, spread information and put the spotlight on things is a good thing- don't get me wrong- but how many folks (with the exception of those dealing with these things daily) remember squat about these things?  I feel it is my mission to bombard the masses (in my own special little corner here) with facts,myths stories, videos, and whatever else I can do until it is burned into their brain. And if people only remember one thing- just one- and share it with someone else, and they share and so on and so forth, then I have accomplished a small part of my goal.

So let me start by saying that many people (maybe you) rely on what the media tells you about autism. Let me say that the media representation of Autism is built on the most outrageous or sensational things just maintaining a grain of truth.   Not ALL Autistics are Rain Man- that is a VERY small percentage of what is known as Savantism and not all autistic are savants- just as all savants aren't autistic. Believe me- when the word Autism first came up with my boy- that was the first thing I thought of.  Yes- a lot of autistic kids and adults have an area of expertise- my son's happens to be about dinosaurs. He can remember a 100 different dinosaurs names, time they lived , what they ate, but can't memorize his times tables. Go figure.  It's just the way his brain is wired- and that's that.

Autism occurs now in 1 in 100 kids- 1 in 70 boys. This number has changed drastically even since my son was diagnosed in 2006. From 1 in 150, to 1 in 110 and now to 1 in 100. Damn. Scary thought isn't it? Now many will say that the jump in numbers is due to better diagnostics, increased awareness, etc. It IS true that Autism is a SPECTRUM disorder- ranging from the high functioning such as Aspergers Syndrome  and High Functioning Autism to Severe Autism to PDD-NOS ( which is just a way of saying your child doesn't meet all the diagnostic criteria for Autism- but has enough so we can label them) and yes- to some degree there is some truth to the better diagnostics answer- but I really don't believe that is all there is to it. But that my friends is a blog for another day. 

So this blog is just a preview for the month of April.  I will be writing about different things about Autism, organizations affiliated with Autism. my giant let down by Autism Speaks and my mission to win my son's teacher an iPad for her class and so much more! I am hoping to get some guest bloggers  that I can showcase as well. Hint, hint people! Hit me up- I want to hear what you have to say! Even if you aren't a parent of an autistic child, ask me questions, give me ideas and opinions. It is what awareness is all about after all.

Son-You have Autism

I have a confession to make. My son was diagnosed with Autism at 3.5 years old. He is now 8 years old and I have yet to tell him about his "condition". We told his brother and sister right away. It gave them a sense of understanding that he was different.  Now they had a reason why he was as he was. The word Autism itself helped them adjust to who he had always been and who he would become.
He sees a neurologist, which we just call going to the doctor, he takes meds for extreme ADHD and meds to sleep at night. He is in an autistic class and has been since mid kindergarten. His dad says that he knows he's different. That very may well be, but I have never put a name to it- not for him anyway. And dammit- I want to be able to tell him he's not so different- even though his diagnosis means he IS!   I don't even know where I would begin- what is appropriate to say and not to say and how much could he understand anyway? He is only 8 years old after all. I don't want to make him feel self conscious about some of his behaviors, but I also want him to embrace the things that make him shine- without feeling like it's negative, or not looked upon favorably by "normal" people.
I watch the show Parenthood- fantastic show- amazing writing- and a very well done take on a family dealing with Asperger's Syndrome. Now my son is diagnosed High Functioning Autism (HFA) which only differs from Aspergers in that he did not have normal speech development.  They are dealing with telling their son about his Aspergers.  Very emotional show for me, as I can see what fictional characters do, and I can comment on what I thought they were doing right/wrong. And it really got my mind working- how will I tell my son? When will I tell my son? How will he react? Will I cry? Will my husband cry? There are so many questions I just want to put it on the shelf for now and wait it out.
I then come to another bump in the road-  the school he is in has autistic classes. The students in the entire school are aware and very accepting of the autistic students. Our goal is to have him return to school where we live next year. The student population here is not taught to be as accepting. I am worried that some of the teachers might not be either.  So now I really have to think about talking to him so he is prepared for what he might experience. 
He is a bright kid- I do agree with my husband that he knows he is "different"  than other kids his age. I also know he is his own worst critic (aren't we all!) but the Autism seems to amplify those feelings of inadequacy and fear of failing  to the point of near meltdown. This is one of the biggest negative things to have to deal with. If you have ever witnessed a full blown autistic meltdown then you know what I am saying.  If you haven't...well...I really can't describe it for you. Think a "normal" child's tantrum and then multiply that by 1000.
I am not ashamed of my son's autism- but I can say I wish he wasn't autistic. The diagnosis of autism is traumatizing for a parent- and when I do end up telling him I want to AVOID traumatizing him. But I need to be able to be objective and I don't see how I can- this is MY kid.  I want him to know all the strengths he has- being able to name nearly every dinosaur and tell me what period they lived in.  Knowing all gazillion Pokemon and their respective powers. These are amazing memory skills that not everyone possesses.  But then there is the flip-side of the diagnosis. There are negatives- and while I don't want to dwell on them he still needs to know. The  meltdowns, inability to focus and get school work done,  trouble with organization, and  inability to block out noise.  His lack of social skills in starting and maintaining and then ending a conversation. These unfortunately are the darkness to the light and completely unavoidable.
The day is fast approaching when the conversation will have to be had, I have a lot of food for thought- books to look into as well as parents of other kids on the spectrum to help guide me through.  My biggest goal- to make sure he knows that yes, he is different- but he was made that way for a reason- and to accept and embrace his differences will make it easier on others around him to accept and embrace his differences as well.

Homework Sucks

Imagine this: There is an extremely hyperactive monkey living in your house. Hopped up on sugar and Red Bull. Your job is to get the monkey to sit down, pick up a pencil and write something on a piece of paper. Not just anything mind you- it has to be full, complete sentences answering questions about science. Then 50 multiplication problems. All while you are trying to cook dinner  That my friends, is a typical evening in our house with my Autistic/ADHD 8 year old. Tonight was no exception. Although today- his schedule was all messed up since he had to go to the doctor this afternoon- therefore he had extra homework. Now factor in  that some of the homework has some writing, and this is a kid who HATES to write. It's like we are ripping his arms off or something. Tonight's extra added fun? About 10 minutes in to the torture session he rips off his shirt and says that his homework is making him hot, the sweatshirt he is wearing is making him hot. Love those sensory issues. And then he cries. Fake cries- which is 100 times more annoying.  Now I have threatened to take away television for the night and his dad has stepped in and is trying to help by sitting with him so I can cook dinner and breathe.
Now dad has very little patience with homework and this child. The way he explains things to this child does NOT work like with the others, This child needs very explicit directions- and he does things in a certain way- and woe to the person who tries to change it up. I then find myself explaining to BOTH of them the way to do said homework. The boy can do every other math problem, and being it is multiplication he will be doing the same problem a few times anyway so it all works out. BUT- he MUST circle every other problem and then do them. I am guilty of starting that so now it is just how he does it. Dad doesn't get this- the boy smarts off, dad gets mad and mom loses what is left of her mind.

A little background on me- I HATE all forms of homework. I feel that it is arbitrary, does not always fulfill what the original concept of homework is (to reinforce concepts) and cuts into family time. Add in the hyperactive monkey- well it is no wonder I just want to cry when I open the backpack and see the homework in the folder. And I LOVE his teacher- I do! But since he is "mainstreamed" it is expected that he does what the other children are doing. It doesn't make it suck any less.

So now, homework done- empty threats forgotten (until tomorrow) and I am drinking a LARGE glass of wine and enjoying the quiet. Until the next round of homework anyway.